Dear Diary,

            I decided to take up watching News programmes today. You wouldn’t believe the stories you learn about just by sitting still in front of the TV and watching a reporter go on and on. I wouldn’t say I particularly enjoyed watching the News (I skipped most of the part and checked out my favourite soaps and cartoons once or twice {or thrice} especially during advertisements and Headlines. But I did listen to the news and I solemnly declare that I shall do so tomorrow and the day after until holidays evaporate. (I hope you are happy now Uncle…)

            But seriously watching the news is kinda boring. There are thousand other things a girl can watch on the television and they are all educative too.  Plus watching news all day doesn’t really help with maturity (hehe I just quoted my friend Saddiya there word for word). No wonder adults always look so glum, ‘cos they watch news all day.  I can actually count how many times I sat in front of a TV and switched to a News channel:

1.)    Probably when I was still a foetus: Mommy watches the News approximately 18 hours a day. She watches the news while she cooks, she watches the news in the bathroom (I’ve seen her plenty), she watches the news at work, she watches the news in the car…she probably watches the news in her dreams at night (Oh let’s see: “Mr Somto here. Good evening Mrs Boyo. This is the network news reporting from your sleepy head. First the headlines…). My mommy watched the news the day I was born so there lies my first News view count.

2.)    5 yrs. old: Some Plane Crash occurred and I watched the news because we got a family member flying that day.

3.)    7 yrs. old: Entertainment news. I watched something about Lindsay Lohan.

4.)    9 yrs. old: I can’t really remember why (?_?)

5.)    Present day: Olympics!!! What else?? (OOooOO I forgot about the Dana Plane crash. May the souls of the victims rest under the wings of God)

I could go on venting my frustration at News programmes (You can’t blame me; I just spent 5 hours warming my buttocks before one) or I could simply tell you about the rest of my day. Of course the content of this blog happened yesterday which reminds me that I have to proceed on a path of freedom from my horrid procrastinating {thank you Microsoft for including spell check in Microsoft Word without which I might have committed unforgivable crimes against the English language}.

Monday has always been a busy day for me. I either go to school or to my Mom’s workplace.  However my uncle was home and he hasn’t seen me for ages and he asked mommy if he could spend the day with me before he travels again (Bless him). Mommy had no choice but to oblige {spell check again} and I got stuck with this uncle. That was when my day took a strange turn.

The drama started when he asked me if i could make EBA and I answered calmly and with a smile “No.” After that I never knew our Kitchen could be such a dismal place (before then the kitchen was some sort of haven). I made Eba for everybody in the family, and then I prepared another in the afternoon when Naola’s home tutor called and made a rather “harmless” comment that she was hungry (I noticed she studied the paste I dropped before her rather suspiciously before eating it). Eba is such hardwork. Why was it ever invented?

My beloved uncle didn’t stop there. He asked me around 10am if I watched the news on a regular basis. I stood before him with my ninja look and tried to decipher the reason he asked (after sweating in a kitchen for two hours you couldn’t blame me). He asked again and I quickly changed the topic (Notice to all the girls out there: If you are questioned by an Uncle and you do not wish to answer, quickly ask him this question: “Please dear Uncle,could I trouble you to explain to me what the word Glossophobia means? Of course he would get the hint and shut up.). My Uncle didn’t shut up; he blamed me for not knowing the word (!) and then asked his question again. Of course you know my answer, and the rest, they say, is history.

Mercifully he left the house around 3pm and I could chat with my friends on the phone. I heard the most interesting gist. It would seem that one of them (Name withheld) got asked out on a date by a well-meaning but terribly tactless boy who lived in her street. He has being a popular name in our discussions lately after her claimed he had been to Japan. Well it so happened that he went to her house to pick her up and then took her to a fast food where he put my dearest friend to shame. I tried my possible best to re-enact the scene below:

Waiter: Good afternoon, what would you like?

The Boy: Can I see a note?

Waiter and My Friend: ??? (Waiter speaks) Sorry?

The Boy: (becoming impatient) A Note! I’d like to see your note.

My friend: What are you talking about? What note is that?

The Boy: (whispering) the note where they write the food they are cooking.

Waiter: (She has a Gossip’s ears) you mean menu? Here you go. You can have a seat while you come to a decision.

My Friend: What do you need a menu for? This is a Chicken restaurant. They sell nothing except chicken and they all come in buckets.

The Boy: (reading the menu and looking confused) (His eyes bulge)

My friend: What’s wrong with you?

The Boy: (To the waiter) Sorry, I don’t see meat pie here. Do you sell meat pie? {Dakore’s comment: “Seriously?”}

Waiter and My Friend:   ???

My friend:  Meat pie is for babies. Why would you wish to buy meat pies?

The Boy: Because I cannot afford everything here. (His eyes bulge as he goes through the menu again) Look here, they say that 1 Chicken wing costs 1200 Naira with rice and that is the least here. That’s stealing! I buy rice at home with egg, plantain and spaghetti for nothing less than 150 Naira. Come let’s leave this horrible place because I only brought 700 naira. 2 meat pie in my street costs 500 Nair. I was even planning to buy coke.

My friend later went on to tell me that she had someone find out where he stays and it was a small broken down house not fit for a boy who has flown to Japan.

I just don’t get it. I know boys tend to do the craziest things to get our attention but do they have to lie? I can’t stand the sort that lies about and pretend to be someone they aren’t. They are probably misinformed. Even if you managed to get her attention she still doesn’t love you for whom you really are, she only loves you for who you are pretending to be and that’s kind of sad. Sorry my friend for that embarrassment. If only that boy had been honest and polite and he had simply bought her a small but beautiful gift with the money he had maybe he might have kept his good name still sparkling in our hearts. Now he’s an enemy, and enemies of Dakore Boyo don’t  go very far in life. Hehe.

This is not really his house. just a picture. Or not.

Thanks to Mr Warywatcher