Dear Diary,

Friday, 3^rd August 2012.

Hello, it’s me again.

For someone like me who prefers parties and music videos, bungee jumping and sky diving, the simple thought of sitting down and writing a diary is absolutely unbelievable. I hate writing my own diary! Seriously! But it’s absolutely necessary and what’s absolutely necessary is worth doing (you can’t stop breathing now, can you?). You would forgive me for abandoning you for a week, Dear diary. What did you expect?  I was busy (the usual excuse).

But seriously I was busy, real busy.

I stopped my last entry on Thursday evening with a cliff hanger; when mother wanted to see Aunty Chidera on Friday morning. Oh yeah. She did meet Aunty Chidera and they fell in love with each other. I must let you know that it was the weirdest day of my life.

Mommy was about to go to work when Aunty Chidera came downstairs. I was standing idly beside the front door when that happened so I had a good view of what was going on. Mother did look surprised when she glimpsed Aunty Chidera’s skinny legs, then her eyes opened wider and her jaw dropped at the size of those breasts.

Aunty Chidera smiled warmly when she noticed Mother seated on the couch and she made a polite courtesy and said something in Igbo.

Whatever she said must have been funny because mother laughed and replied in the same language. Then she turned to me and said. “Imagine Dakore, she thinks I am Igbo.”

I tried to make a mocking laugh but all that came out of my lips was a yawn (I really hate sleeping late).

After the introductions Mother and Chidera had a conversation in which mother smiled and laughed more times than she ever had in our house. I knew she would have talked all day if she didn’t have to go to work. But she did have work and she left the house. Aunty Chidera smiled at me after mommy’s car disappeared and returned to her room, I didn’t see her for the rest of the day. What a lazy woman.

Around 1pm I went to Saddiya’s cousin’s birthday party with Naola (I had a fall out with my little sister later that morning after she caught me on the webcam so I wouldn’t really say I came with her. It felt more like I arrived 10 minutes before her despite arriving at the venue in the same car).

The party itself was BOOOORRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNG…booooOOOOORRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNG.

I am a growing woman, I have developing breasts. I am as tall as my mother and my hair is long and beautiful. I really shouldn’t have been invited to a party for babies. Yes! Babies!!! The party was flled with all sorts of children of Naola’s age. The celebrant was a girl of 7 and she had so much phlegm falling from her nose despite how much many times they wiped it away. (One of my friends made a joke; He called her Toothpaste, because gross things kept squeezing out of her nose. Gross things like phlegm, and then more phlegm, and then more phlegm…eeeew. Sometimes the phlegm became dry and caked up before it was cleaned away. She was so EEEWW that I didn’t look her way more than twice).

The kids played all sorts of retarded games while I and my school friends sat in a corner and chatted.  Only Saddiya and Ingrid showed up of all my best friends, and Ingrid didn’t feel like talking much because she had to watch over a boy of four who she explained was her Aunty’s child.

I told her about my new Aunty Chidera and she sighed and patted my face.

“I can’t believe it,” she said after I was done with my lament. “The great Dakore Boyo is jealous of her Aunty.”

“No, I’m not. What’s wrong with you?”

Saddiya smiled and whispered something inside Ingrid’s ear. When I demanded to know what it was, she told me that I emphasized too much on my Aunty’s breasts.

“That’s a sign of Jealousy, my friend,” Ingrid added. “I don’t believe she had any surgery to enhance her body.  She might be a natural with the way you said it. Not every HOT lady is fake, you know.”

“Besides, we are Nigerians,” Saddiya pointed out and then stopped there as if that settled the fact.

Big breasts does settle the matter sometimes

 “Where are Demilare and his friend?” I asked after a while. “You promised they would show up, Saddiya.”

She simply shrugged and walked away. Ingrid sighed and soon disappeared herself then I was  left on my own with a bunch of kids. One of them spilled juice on my Hi Tops and another fell and hurt herself and then blamed me for tripping her. KIDS!

We returned home around 5 to find the house empty. Apparently my uncle had taken Aunty Chidera out. I believe this would be an excellent place to end my Diary concerning the events on Friday. The rest of the day was simply….