Wednesday

 Dear Diary,

I am so very sorry for neglecting you for just one day, Oh I am so sorry. Did you miss me too? I bet you did, I can see it written all over your face and my keyboard (are those my tears or yours?).

I suppose I must get to it then, what happened yesterday.

Wednesday morning dawned brighter than the rest of the day in this week and not just because of the sun (the sun was but a shadow in the sky behind all those thick rain clouds). I woke up very sore and weary after sleeping very late the night before and said my prayers (did I really? I can’t really remember). My room was a bit messy with books and magazines scattered all across the floor. Somebody had knocked over my waste basket and there was an odd smell coming from behind my PC desk; the smell reminded me of Shea butter mixed with vomit, but that’s all fine with me. I stretched and yawned and said “good morning” to my room and then headed downstairs (my room has seen worse is why).

Then I received the best news I ever had this year:

My nauseous Uncle has fallen ill {Dakore Boyo solemnly declares under oath that she had nothing whatsoever, in any way possible to do with his illness. I hate him, yes, and might have every now and then wished upon him bird flu and every other vile disease, but I never really took my hatred literally. Most girls hate their uncles and I soon forget about him. It’s perfectly normal}.

When Mommy told me to go see to my uncle and wish him well I gladly skipped over. All he had was a cold but he made such a big fuss about it that it soon became ridiculous and tiring. He did have red though eyes and his palms were rather wrinkly and cold to touch (any doctors out there?) Mommy was driving him to the hospital that morning so I would be home alone with Naola (Did I hear angels singing?). I wished my uncle speedy recovery and handed him a drawing of a retching rat then I went to watch TV (you can bet it’s not the news).

I was at the TV till 11am until I received a call:

Dakore: Hello, who that?

Saddiya: Don’t you recognize the voice that could only belong to the ONLY music star from your class. Hello Dakore, How is your boring life?

Dakore: (finally recognized the owner of the voice) Is that Saddi?

Saddiya: Does the Pope ever pray?

Dakore: Just tell me will you?

Saddiya: You should know better than to ask me stupid questions, Dakore.

Dakore: (feeling foolish) Yeah you are right. But we are Nigerians, We ask stupid questions most of the time.

Thanks to Mr warywatcher

Saddiya only called to invite me to her cousin’s birthday party which would be happening on Friday. She promised me Demilare would be present and he would be bringing his friend along {that girl really knows how to persuadeJ}. I promised I would be there (My uncle had better remain ill) and called Janice to ask if she is going also. Obviously she hadn’t been told (Saddiya and Janice have been at each other’s throats since last term. I hope they reconcile soon. They were once best friends).

I received an email from a fan of my blog around 11:30am. He asked me if Dakore was my real name. I replied “No Sh*t.”

By 12pm, Naola’s home tutor arrived and the drama of the day happened. She brought along a boy she was teaching at the same time and sat him on our big couch. (I’d like to ask at this point if it’s legal to bring a child into the home of a stranger. I didn’t ask of course but the boy’s boy’s parents probably didn’t even know their child was at our house the whole time the tutor was meant to be teaching him at his own house). He was a right pest, that boy. His real name has been withheld for security purposes so I will simply call him Dayo

The first thing Dayo did when he saw me was point and laugh. “Look, look,” he said. “That girl has got paper stuck to her head. Haha,”

Paper! He was right. There was a wasted piece of paper glued to the side of my head where it had probably slept with me all night. Nobody except an obnoxious little boy bothered to let me know about it. (Now I know why my Uncle had that stupid grin on his face all the while I was in his room. I have the worst family in the world).

“Look here,” I told Dayo. “It’s impolite and foolish to laugh at strangers. It’s even worse if the stranger owns the house you are presently in.”

But Dayo only laughed louder and rolled on the floor, literally. Naola’s home tutor sent me away before I got mad and I returned to my room where I checked my Google mail and found out that the person had replied. He told me his name and asked for my phone number, then he commented that my blog would be better off without my private diary being posted online for all to see. I replied by telling him that the blog was all about the diary. Some people would find Mr warywatcher’s cartoons more preferable to my boring life.

By 1:30pm, after receiving a call from daddy, Naola came running in to my house looking like she had seen a ghost. She told me that Dayo just peed on himself.  Here’s how she narrated it: “Dayo has ‘wiwied’! Our Aunty (she meant the home tutor) received a call and was at it for a while. That was when he dozed off, then he ‘wiwied’. Come and see Dakore.”

I did go to see and it was such a sight. The home tutor was seated a great distance away from the crime scene and looked ready to break down in tears. Dayo was standing where Naola must have left him and he was staring at his feet with a certain amount of guilt written across his face and of course Naola hadn’t bothered to leave my room. So it was just we three in the living room, looking at each other uncomfortably and stretching the silence between us. Time seemed to have frozen as we stood there and when I couldn’t take any more of it I asked the question that had been burning my chest.

“Who is going to clean this up?!”

Of course I wasn’t going to clean someone else’s pee. Eeeeww.

Dayo really picked the worst place to pee; Right on our big couch. The stain on that fine piece of white furniture would certainly make mommy show her dark side if she returned from work all stressed and should happen to see it. Naola’s Home tutor looked incredulously at me after I asked the question as if she expected me to do the cleaning and then her nerves shattered and she started to cry like a baby.

“Please Dakore,” she pleaded. “Don’t tell your mother all right? I will clean it just don’t tell your mother.”  Then she rounded on Dayo. “Look what you’ve put me into. You are never coming back here, that’s a fact. You are such a pig! You are (this) you are (that)…bla bla.”

It would interest you to know that Dayo had a wicked smile on his face as he watched his teacher scrub hard. That boy has some serious issues.

eeeewwww

Our big couch still has that stain (obviously she couldn’t wipe it all away) but it now has a smell like lemon juice. After the home tutor whisked away the pest of a boy (and gave to me some compensation) I carefully poured a glass of lemon juice over the stain to get rid of the foul pee smell. After sharing my compensation with Naola, she agreed to take responsibility for “spilling juice”.

Mommy returned very early that evening and announced that uncle would be returning tomorrow morning. She also said that Uncle’s girlfriend would be coming over as well. Mommy doesn’t know of course but Uncle has a great deal of girlfriends. I wondered which one of them it would be (obviously He’s going to have to have to marry her because she would be the first one he is presenting to mommy).

When Mommy saw the stain she immediately recognized it as pee. She said: “Who’s the stupid baby that peed here?”

It took ten minutes of argument to convince her it was lemon Juice and even then she still wrinkled her nose as she left for her room (Naola’s teacher owes me a great deal. Remind me to ask her eh?)

That night at our house was very weird because it was the first one in two months that I wasn’t spending with uncle. I found myself watching some news as I flicked channels (I still can’t believe I watched the news on my own) then by9 pm I returned to my room and locked up.

That’s all that happened on Wednesday.

It’s time to sleep dear Diary; I will fill you in on what happened today in five hours’ time. By the way the time is now 2:43pm, Thursday 2 August 2012. If you got this blog post late it means I slept off.